Hello.

I am passionate about combating domestic violence, especially in the church. I’ve brought together some of the material I’ve developed on domestic violence here. I hope it will be helpful.

God bless you.

Domestic violence

Why the abused stay: Fear (part 1)

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"Why in the world doesn't she just leave him?!" Did that question pop into your mind too while reading about all that the abused endure in Series 1? The answer is not simple. There are so many intertwining factors, but the foundational reason is fear. "Let Not the Wife Depart" An abused wife who loves her Lord fears displeasing him. Many churches give an abused wife no option of setting boundaries or consequences. Sadly, the

Spotting an abuser before you marry one

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In the last five posts, we have covered physical and verbal abuse patterns, but this is, in concise form, how to spot an abuser before you marry one. "My boyfriend gets furious when I won't dump all my friends and spend all my time with him. I was so thrilled to have a devoted boyfriend, that I ignored all he warning signs of abuse. I convinced myself that he loved me and that things would

Financial and spiritual abuse

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So far, we've covered physical violence and the cycle of abuse, plus emotional/mental abuse. Another method an abuser uses to get and maintain control of his wife is... Financial abuse He may make her account for every dollar she spends, limit her access to money, and keep her in the dark about income and outgo and investments. Often he will withhold basic necessities or keep her from pursuing her career. If she has a job,

Emotional and mental abuse

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Like the tiny destructive termite in part one, a marriage can be destroyed by "a thousand little razor-cuts of perpetual contempt, put-downs, sarcasm, lies, rudeness, rages, insults and silent treatments, even though a physical mark is never left."1 Control As with physical violence, emotional and mental abuse has as its goal: control. Control of thoughts, feelings, and actions. Making his wife feel like she has to constantly "walk on eggshells" to avoid a blow-up is

Cycle of abuse

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Learning of the existence of this well-known pattern of behaviour is often a shock down to the very core of the abused's soul. When that passes, a wave of immeasurable relief sweeps over this wife feeling uniquely alone, isolated, and trapped. It is the confirmation of her sanity after all. Let's take a closer look at how this works. The incident Life's routine is flowing when the abuser starts getting more demanding, belittling, and selfish

Abuse and the church

Need help?

Click here for local domestic violence services as well as a list of Christian resources.

“I have sometimes addressed this sort of corruption and evil more generally in the Independent Baptist (IB) churches in Australia. But with nameless generality comes the luxury of dismissal as unproven allegation. The things we document here will forever remove that luxury.”

Podcasts

Consent in Marriage (Part Two)                      Listen | Transcript

Consent in Marriage (Part One)                      Listen | Transcript

Questions for FAQ

Names will not be published.