Hello.
I am passionate about combating domestic violence, especially in the church. I’ve brought together some of the material I’ve developed on domestic violence here. I hope it will be helpful.
God bless you.
Domestic violence
Why the abused stay: Fear (part 1)
"Why in the world doesn't she just leave him?!" Did that question pop into your mind too while reading about all that the abused endure in Series 1? The answer is not simple. There are so many intertwining factors, but the foundational reason is fear. "Let Not the Wife Depart" An abused wife who loves her Lord fears displeasing him. Many churches give an abused wife no option of setting boundaries or consequences. Sadly, the
Spotting an abuser before you marry one
In the last five posts, we have covered physical and verbal abuse patterns, but this is, in concise form, how to spot an abuser before you marry one. "My boyfriend gets furious when I won't dump all my friends and spend all my time with him. I was so thrilled to have a devoted boyfriend, that I ignored all he warning signs of abuse. I convinced myself that he loved me and that things would
Financial and spiritual abuse
So far, we've covered physical violence and the cycle of abuse, plus emotional/mental abuse. Another method an abuser uses to get and maintain control of his wife is... Financial abuse He may make her account for every dollar she spends, limit her access to money, and keep her in the dark about income and outgo and investments. Often he will withhold basic necessities or keep her from pursuing her career. If she has a job,
Emotional and mental abuse
Like the tiny destructive termite in part one, a marriage can be destroyed by "a thousand little razor-cuts of perpetual contempt, put-downs, sarcasm, lies, rudeness, rages, insults and silent treatments, even though a physical mark is never left."1 Control As with physical violence, emotional and mental abuse has as its goal: control. Control of thoughts, feelings, and actions. Making his wife feel like she has to constantly "walk on eggshells" to avoid a blow-up is
Cycle of abuse
Learning of the existence of this well-known pattern of behaviour is often a shock down to the very core of the abused's soul. When that passes, a wave of immeasurable relief sweeps over this wife feeling uniquely alone, isolated, and trapped. It is the confirmation of her sanity after all. Let's take a closer look at how this works. The incident Life's routine is flowing when the abuser starts getting more demanding, belittling, and selfish
Abuse and the church
FAQ
The FAQ section is something I’m interested in starting up. I’ve answered so many questions in writing via email and have thought that perhaps there would be benefit in getting some of those answers organised here. If you think this feature could be beneficial, please use the form on the right to let me know your questions and I’ll do my best to answer them.
No information connecting you to your question will be published. Your identity will not be shared with anyone.
I cannot give personalised counsel in the FAQ so questions may be edited to make them more general. If you would like a response that pertains directly to the specifics of your situation, please let me know and I will do my best to contact you.
