Question: Wouldn’t a godly wife meekly submit “in everything, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:24)—including domestic violence—“til death us do part”? (statistically, death at his hand is a real possibility)

Question: Isn’t it “acceptable with God” to “endure grief, suffering wrongfully”? (I Peter 2 & 3)

In a previous post, we saw that God hates abuse, labeling it evil and wicked. Will she “win” her husband by bowing to and enabling his sinful, wicked pattern of cruelty, lies, and violence?

Submission is to God, not to her husband’s pattern of evil. Removing the object of his sin (her!) may open his eyes to the consequences of his evil and soften his heart to seek help. She is “doing him good.”

Excellent answers to these and more questions are available by Christian abuse counsellor Leslie Vernick.

Domestic violence is against the law

Note: Check out this trending report to give a more realistic dimension to this marital abuse series. (#whyIstayed and #whyIleft on Twitter)

A victim of violence should call the police if she is in imminent danger and/or flee to a friend or relative’s house.

Another option is to go to a women’s crisis shelter where she’ll receive free legal, financial, and medical assistance.

A victim may also contact a local domestic violence service. A detailed list of services can be found here. These organisations help victims (as well as family and friends) with 24-7 access to information, individual counselling (including live chat), local shelters, survivors’ stories, how to make a safety plan, etc. in multiple languages.

Prepare

Hiding a small bag with clothes (for the children also), money, keys, phone, driver’s license, car registration, credit cards, medications, and address book can be a lifesaver when a quick escape is needed. Make sure you have access to a car that runs, keep petrol in the tank, and have a careful plan.

Marriage is honourable but sometimes we honour it best by ending that caricature of it that makes it a mockery.

–Jason Harris

Legal options

Abusive husbands do not take kindly to losing the one who catered to their every whim. Keep your whereabouts hidden if you have any fears about you or your children’s safety.

The above organisations will help you obtain a Domestic Violence Order (DVO/IVO/other names depending on locality) from the court. It is free and if your abuser breaks the conditions (e.g. not allowed within 100 metres of your place of residence or employment), ring the police immediately (even for the first smallest infraction) and he can be arrested.

Women’s Services Network has ideas for preventing your abuser from stalking your smartphone: Locking it with a passcode, disabling the GPS, and knowing what every app does (it’s possible for him to watch you in your home).

The courts can also determine issues like property division and child-care.

Doesn’t I Corinthians 6 forbid her from taking him to court?

Jason Harris has written a post that has an excellent answer to that question. This is a criminal matter, not a civil matter. The case is not her against him; it is the Crown against him. He broke the law.

Let go of trying to change him

The future is his decision; the present is yours.

Like David when his authority, King Saul, tried to harm him, flee before it’s too late.

You can access domestic violence resources here.